It’s been a while since I updated this blog. A combination of Uni work, the odd bit of real journalism and the futile attempts at some form of social life have blocked my attempts to write about some of the most disappointing films I’ve seen in the past few months, so now, just like the first post started. It’s stupid o’ clock and I’ve realised I’ve got time to do an update before the day starts.
Since we last met I joined Lovefilm, a great way for me to get all the movies I ever wanted to see without me taking the lonely walk down to Blockbusters to be greeted by a bunch of ignorant prats who seem to know nothing about film. Two of the films I’ve seen since this time are the two biggest animated films in the fast year or so: Toy Story 3 and Shrek 4. Both had been hyped to fuck since we all knew that this would be the last time we saw Woody do something selfish or Shrek hold back from telling Donkey what a prick he is.
Toy Story 3 started as it meant to go on. Diving us headfirst into a sea of depression as Woody, Buzz and ... you know the other ones, risk been thrown away as Andy moves away to college. Of course it’s all a terrible mistake because no 18 year old wants to throw away the toys he hasn’t played with in a decade, but still they end up at a preschool, where Lots of Huggin’ Bear isn’t giving out hugs but prison sentences in the nursery section where toys are ripped apart. From here on in it becomes like every other Toy Story, they escape in ways that make the toys look a damn sight more intelligent than most humans.
All this would be fine if it hadn’t been done funnier in the first one, and in a more touching way in the second. I know it’s a kids’ film but do we really buy into the idea that Andy gets upset about losing them? Did the writers believe that by sugar coating the idea that things are expendable it would change how people are? Kids are the most fickle creatures out there, always after the new set of stickers or the latest toy, half of the underwritten characters would have been binned a month after the Christmas where misguided parents saw it in Toys R Us and thought “Oh Andy has got a dog with a spring in the middle!”
Shrek 4 was even worse. Shrek is made to look like a truly selfish prick in this one, more so than before as he trades the day he was born for one day as an ogre with no responsibilities. No doubt the carnage that ensues is a way of telling kids “be grateful for what you have”, I took “stay away from magic midgets”. Having traded the day, Shrek has to regain the love of Fiona before midnight or else he disappears, the only problem is that Donkey doesn’t know him, Fiona’s a warrior woman who has no time for Shrek’s bitching, something that I will admit was a nice touch, and all of Far Far Away is under the control of Rumplestiltskin.
Personally I think letting Shrek disappear would have been the better option, that way when Dreamwork Animation’s next flick bombs at least they can’t bring him back. The attempts to win Fiona back are cringe worthy, the idea that she somehow falls in love with him again is stupid. If most are agreed that the smallest changes in the past created huge ramifications in the present then surely Shrek not been born would have created a huge enough change to eliminate all the Shrek sequels? Ok, so tackling our own insignificance might be a tad heavy for kids, but fuck them, they need to know sooner or later.
Once, the films that preceded these non-starters were legendary; the funniest, cleverest animations since The Lion King, without all the death, and now they’ve been destroyed by subpar sequels all in the desire to make money. If these films are teaching our kids anything it’s that as long as the people above are making profit it doesn’t matter what shit you produce.
